How to deal with your teenage kids?

As your kids go into their teen years, it’s obvious that things are going to change. It’s important for parents to understand that teenagers do not have the same control of their impulses that adults do, since the part of the brain that helps one think ahead and adjust behavior based on potential consequences (the prefrontal cortex), is still developing. To get along and help your teen develop in a positive direction, you’ll need to change your expectations and develop empathy, all the while establishing boundaries. Some points you need to follow with your kids-

1.  Change your expectations.

Studies show that the frontal cortex of the brain does not completely develop until a person is well into their twenties, sometimes early thirties. The brain of a teenager is a work in progress. The frontal lobe of the brain is the seat of what researchers call the “executive functions.” It’s the part of our brains that helps us to plan, control our impulses and reason.

 

2.  Stop treating them with suspicion.

Teenagers deal with fear as a constant companion. Fear of the other kids, fear of fitting in, fear of their teachers, fear of being mocked or ridiculed…they don’t need their parents adding to it. When they come home, their home should be their sanctuary away from these fears. A place where they feel safe and protected, where they find love and acceptance. When your child walks into a room, your countenance should light up with happiness to see them. Not with a jaded eye and questions of where they’ve been and what they’ve been up to. Unconditional love and acceptance is the greatest gift you can give them.

 

3.  Establish boundaries and stick to them.

Everyone that lives in your house should be part of making the household run. No one person should shoulder the entire responsibility. Teens are no exception. Decide, as a family, who is going to do what. Be reasonable! Assign everyone a chore and not more than two chores, plus keeping their own room clean. Instead of arguing and fighting with them when they don’t do what they were suppose to do, let them suffer the consequences. 

 

 

4.   Honor and respect your teen.

Treat your child with honor and respect at all times. Constantly screaming at a child will damage their emotions and cause them to be insecure as adults. No one (including yourself), likes to be belittled. Discipline yourself to never belittle, mock or talk-down to your child. Respect their opinions and ask for them. When it’s just the two of you riding in the car, turn the radio to their favorite station. If they like sports, go out of your way to get them involved and go to their games. If they are musical, pay for lessons and go to their recitals. If they win any awards, make a big deal out of it and take the whole family out to dinner in their honor. These are easy, fun things you can do for your teen that will cement a life-long healthy relationship between the two of you.

 

5. Open your home to their friends.

Your teens are looking for a place to hang out. Be a good sport about it. Have some healthy snacks around for them, let them play their music and make yourself available. You’ll be surprised how many of their friends might need a listening ear. If this makes you really uncomfortable, it’s your house and you have the right to enforce your rules. HOWEVER, be aware that this won’t help the situation in anyway. It WILL make them feel that you do not trust or respect them. Open communication is always a better approach.

 

6. Make amends for their daily minor mistakes. 

Your son stepped on the remote control when he was rushing for school, and you were like, ‘How many times I have told you not to be more mature/less clumsy, etc.’ But with these active kids, running around and knocking things over is natural. It’s typical of their age, and it’s only accidental. Your hitting the roof only make them grow more nervous and can end up breaking another dish. Teach them later. Cases like this, a ‘Be more careful’ is suitable enough.

 

7. Show them you love them so much.

 A warm hug, a kiss on the cheek, ‘I love you’. These small actions are very, very important, although your son/daughter now prefers hanging around with friends to being in mother’s arms. But out there, they will face with things that can make them astonished, or scared, and they run to you. Let them know, you are always there not only to explain but also to help and love them.