I have a censor in me now: Tamil writer Perumal Murugan

New Delhi, Aug 23 (PTI) While Perumal Murugan has emergedfrom a self-imposed literary exile with a new book of poems,the Tamil author who was forced to publicly renounce writingafter protests against his novel ‘Madhorubagan’, says he nowcensors his own characteristic realistic style. "A censor is seated inside me now. He is testing everyword that is born within me. His constant caution that a wordmay be misunderstood so, or it may be interpreted thus, is areal bother. But I’m unable to shake him off. If this is wronglet the Indian intellectual world forgive me," Murugan saidafter his new anthology was released here late last evening. In December 2014,a dismayed Murugan had declared in aFacebook post that the writer in him was dead. He describedthe subsequent period as "nightmarish". "Between December 2014 and June 2016 I couldn’t so much asscratch a line in the first three months. As though thefingers of my heart had become numb. I couldn’t read a thing,"the author said adding that it was then he realised the fullmeaning of the Tamil phrase ‘nadaipinam’, ‘a walking corpse’. The dark period, he said, ended in 2015 when he spent afew days at a friend’s house in a room stacked with books. "With nothing to do I lay dazed night and day. I wallowedin a dark hole without the urge to see or talk to anybody. Butas I ruminated over my existence, there came a certain instantwhen the sluice gates were breached. I began to write. Ichronicled the moment when I felt like a rat, dazzled by thelight, burrowing itself into its hole," Murugan said. The poems that emerged after that stay finds place in hisjust released anthology ‘Kozhayin Paadalkal,’ (Songs of aCoward.) "As I started to write, I began to revive little bylittle, from my finger nails to my hair. It was poetry thatsaved me," he said. In July this year, the Madras High Court dismissed a pleaseeking prosecution of the author and ban of his "offensive"book in Tamil, besides forfeiting all the copies of itsEnglish translation "One Part Woman" saying there was nothingobscene in the book. Commenting on the judgment, Murugan said, "The learnedjudges have also said that ‘Perumal Murugan should be able towrite and advance the canvas of his writings’. The last wordof the verdict -‘Write’ – sounds to me both as a command andas a benediction." Murugan also expressed his gratitude to writers from TamilNadu and other parts of the country and the world who extendedtheir support to him. "Across the country voices were raised in support offreedom of expression and against intolerance. It is thosevoices which have brought me here today. I accepted thisinvitation to speak here only to express my gratitude to thosevoices," he said in a statement that he read out in Tamilfollowed by a translated version that was also read out. MOREPTI ANS RJSANS